I don’t know if I should get married!!! I don’t trust him and I still hold resentment…?
We’ve been together 10 yrs. and all I’ve ever wanted was to be his wife and year after year and 2 kids later I had to basically beg to get him to ask me. When I told him that I don’t want to do it just because he felt bad for my crying about it and I want it to be something he wants too he said he does but I just don’t believe him. I can’t rely on my feelings and emotions because they are so out of wack right now due to the ridiculously stressful life I’ve subjected myself too, so 1 min he’s awesome and the next I wish I could just pack up and be gone, but it’s never that easy. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and I know I am not an ideal girlfriend but I bend over backwards and do flips for this man something that I rarely see from him. I put him through a lot with my mood swings and just plain ol psychoticness but I feel justified in my bad treatment of him because I feel like I’ve given so much of myself to him and his family without any regard for me and my feelings. In my heart I feel like I will never be his first priority and that his mother and sister will always come first and it makes me so sad and it really hurts to think that we’ve spent so time together and been through so much, I’ve slept in hotels/cars with him for 3 years, had 3 abortions because he told me the pregnancy was my decision and we really can’t afford to have children so I thought I was doing what he wanted me to do,
I wash his clothes,
clean the house,
take care of the kids,
pay the bills (which I have not been doing lately because I don’t know why I just get so stressed)
allow his mother and sister to live with us because they get evicted (3 times now more than 6 months each situation)
becoming more sexual
play taxi (at least twice a week I have to pick either him or his mother up after I just worked a 9 hr shift being up since 4 am and sitting in traffic for hours, the list can go on but I do love this man although I think he can be such an ass because if I complain about doing any of the things listed above then I am not being a team player and I wonder wtf is he talking about because I am the team!!! But on the other hand he is sweet, he used to make me laugh but now I’m always so mad his jokes aren’t funny, I know he is a good man and together we can make things happen but I am really scared that I will not be made a priority and that I will end up hurting myself if I continue to stay I just want some peace and to be able to have our place/space to really grow up I am 27 and he is 29 and neither of us have ever really lived on our own except for our short 6 month breaks when I decided we need to move and get our own. I love his mother and sister but I want them to have their own lives and home and let us raise our family together and stop being so selfish but will I ever really be #1 to him and if we get married will he realize that he is now our family LEADER and take that responsibility seriously or will I continue to be the underdog although I am putting out the most results someone please help me I am at a loss!!!
I put the details because I kind of need to vent also, I feel like an idiot when I try to talk to my friends or family because I don’t want to appear needy, I am currently in therapy to try and make some type of sense of my life and get it on track so I can be more productive for my children. Thank you all for even taking the time to read through all that and giving your advice I really appreciate it alot :0)!!
last addition, the reason I have to play taxi is because he and I are the ones with cars, his mom and sister’s cars were repo’d about 2-3 years ago and they have been relying on us to get around or driving his truck because I won’t let them take my car if it’s not work related.
Tagged with: don't • hold • Know • married • resentment... • Should • still • trust
Filed under: Pregnancy Anxiety Treatment
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Wow…
It only gets worse once he has that ring on your finger. I wouldn’t do it.
I only read the title. You resent him and you don’t trust him. Then, no, do not marry him.
You’re bending over backwards, and stressing yourself out more which probably isn’t healthy. It’s good to have both people contributing in a relationship, but it sounds like you’re taking way more on than he is. Having kids to care for is a ig job on its own. And to still clean the house, do laundry, give him rides everywhere, and work. Where’s your man when you’re spending your time doing all of this?!
You need a little bit of time for yourself, try and talk to him about sharing a little bit more responsibility. If he’s not for it, that you’re really the only one committing to the marriage and relationship between you two. Marriage is suposed to be (somewhat) about compromise. You have to work together!
If you’re gonna be the only one handling these jobs then rethink it maybe.
You are having doubts, you don’t trust him and you resent him. Why are you still with him?
With your title, the details weren’t necessary. Of course you can’t marry someone you don’t trust. And you resent him because he’s using you. You’re also playing a game with your head if you expect him to wake up the day after you get married and suddenly realize he’s the head of a household. He never has been and he never will be.
In fairness we are not really the people to ask looking at the above comments. At the end of the day if there is no trust and you resent stuff you cant get married like that. I wouldnt urge you to leave him because although this sounds stupid i was in the exact position, Since he asked me to marry him i siad yes and i also said but i wont marry you until im happy with our relationship, so that i can marry you knowing we are crazily in love and we trust eachother and all the rest of it. We are now getting married next year at Edinburgh castle. I do think if you truely do love him stick in there and get proper help no matter what.
Good luck, hope it goes well for you
Read your question that you posted. This too much for me to read. Get out or you will be stuck with him and his mother & sister. You and your children come first.
In my opinion if you even have to ask this question you shouldn’t be getting married to him. I know what it’s like to be with someone for so many years they just become part of you and you just cant picture how you could do it without them regardless of how they actually are… but it’s not worth it. If things are the way you say they are, I think you would be better off not together. I know it’s easier said then done, but look at this way. Yes It’s going to hurt really bad to leave him, and you will have a broken heart for a good while, but the pain of that will be far less then the pain of staying with him and never being happy, and wondering what could have been if you were with someone who treated you better. Once you are with someone who doesn’t have all these expectations of you and just wants you for you, you will look back at the relationship you are in now and wonder what you were thinking and be so grateful you didnt stay in it. If a good deal of you staying with him is based on the kids, forget it. I’ve worked with kids for 6+ years in all kinds of situations, and anyone else who has, can tell you that a child would rather their parents not be together but happy then be together and not happy. Kids can pick up on these things, they know when you arnt happy together, they really just want to have both their parents in their life but happy. You shouldnt have doubt or trust issues in the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Please seek counseling. This is way over our heads and yours too.
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